Some days I feel so comfortable in this new skin. It’s like a favorite sweatshirt or a great pair of boots. But, some days, I feel like I am wearing someone else’s clothes. They fit, but I am acutely aware that they are not really mine. After a while though, too long borrowed clothes become part of my wardrobe and I cannot remember that they were once borrowed at all. Perhaps we are almost there.
I am getting used to the attention we get out in public but some days I am not ready for it. Strangers, like paparazzi, fire questions like camera flashes. I have to gear up for it as we exit the car, ready to do a press conference on my beautiful babies at a moments notice. They smile reassuringly from their car seats, allowing me to represent them the best that I can.
Almost one year ago I began my official bed rest. One month from now, one year ago, the babies were born. It feels like a hundred years ago or maybe just one day ago. I look back on it and search for meaning, more lessons. “Hope is the thing with wings that perches in the soul.” For some reason that quote has been rattling around my head for the past few days. I think back to a year ago and revise it as “Hope is the thing to cling to when all else has flown away.” Without it I would have blown apart. And it was more than a hope that everything would be okay, because I knew that some things would never be okay. It was/is more of a hope that it would not all be in vain. One smile from my superstars and I know that it is not.
1 comment:
you've done great! you have a lot to be proud of.
“Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. Love still stands when all else has fallen.”
“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.”
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