The Ole' Grey Mare Just Ain't What She Used to Be

The official badge of motherhood did not come on the day my children were born. Nor did I feel thoroughly vetted when I joined a mom’s group, a mom’s workout group, and the online “circle of moms.” I thought I caught a glimpse of myself as “mommy,” in the Whole Foods front window once, pushing a stroller, dirty hair pulled back with an almost stylish headscarf and a distinct spot of throw-up on the lapel of my rumbled blouse. No, “motherhood” as my vocation did not come the day I resigned from the teaching position I held for almost 10 years. Instead, it came today in a package from Victoria’s Secret that contained my first “swim skirt.” I fought the anti-bikini for years, even though I knew it would save me from the unsightly hair that escapes the light of a bathroom but waves like a line of car dealership flags in the beach breeze. But now, I need to embrace my new swimming costume. I have always been a firm believer in exercise and healthy living as a means to look and be healthy. Truthfully, I have never felt better in my life and I am really satisfied with my new fitness schedule. However, they say that having children changes everything forever. That is certainly true for many aspects of my life but none more than the parts of my body that were the largest that they could ever be during my pregnancy. Lord only knows what would have happened to me if I had gone even close to full term. I would have needed to wear a full-on wetsuit to the beach, never mind a Lycra mini. So, I will be satisfied in my beach dress. At least the throw-up will wash right off in the water.

School's Out Forever

My moments of writing in my head have obviously not equalled my moments of actual writing. To start, I am an official "stay at home mom." My request for a second year of leave was denied making an inevitable decision come sooner than later. I attended the annual End of Year Luau with the babies and the after graduation celebration without them looking for a sense of closure. I think I found it while cleaning out my classroom-which had really already been cleaned out by my replacement. I have moments when I miss the structure, camaraderie and mindfulness of teaching (especially when reminded anonymously that I have not written in 44 days, thank you very much) but for the most part, I am relieved. My baby mayhem moments can be dramatic but most of my days are filled with a sense of peace.

I could have used a reminder of that inner calm this week when faced with monster mayhem during our forays at the beach. Charlie's teething was crazy- and my usually sweet, happy boy was a non-sleeping, clingy, crying mess. Finally, after a four hour afternoon nap at the close of our travels, Charlie was his old self again. I stressed to him how much he was missed and I think he will try to keep that teething thing in check for our next trip. Even with the fussiness we managed to have a day on the beach and our first ride on a carousel.

We had our three month early intervention evaluation in June which included a cognitive evaluation. Nori and Charlie did well and so far our fears of delays have been put at bay. Charlie still sees a physical therapist once a month (down from once a week) but it may not be needed much longer. We are on the verge of walking and any attempts we make to baby proof are circumvented by our very clever children. I guess I really didn't need a cognitive evaluation done after all!

Our summer days have been pretty full-playdates, a trip to the Point Pleasant Aquarium, the Monmouth Racetrack, the local beaches-and I do not see us slowing down. I may not be making lesson plans for High School English anymore, but I still cannot help but to make plans.