Ben likes hanging with his cousins at Aunt Em and Uncle Mike's house. Ryan loves to read to his cousins and sing lullabys.Tuesday, July 29, 2008
We Love Our Older Cousins
Ben likes hanging with his cousins at Aunt Em and Uncle Mike's house. Ryan loves to read to his cousins and sing lullabys.
Public Appearances
I am home all day, shouldn’t I have plenty of time to write? It seems that when I postpone this time it gets waylaid to online shopping at Baby Gap-about all I have the brain power for some days. So it is 5:47am- not so obscene a time to be up and thinking, since I was up and showered for school by this time most days in my old life. Even this exercise is done within earshot of the baby monitor-a beacon of peaceful calm or of cacophonous mayhem, making every word I write a rushed luxury or blatant evidence of neglect (Note: After writing this I did go up to find poor Charlie covered in spit up. This picture was taken just a few moments afterwards. He forgives me much faster than I forgive myself!) Either way, I am still glad to be here in the moments before sunrise to record the thoughts running around my head like pennies in a coke can or wind through the trees-any overused simile will suffice.
“How’s it going,” is asked of us frequently and I often reply that it is going exactly the way the inquisitors think it is going. In fact, it is going quite the way I expected it would, with a few exceptions. One thing I thought about while I was pregnant was the amount of attention that multiples bring when out in public. In reality it is much more attention than I expected. While food shopping, we are stopped at least once per aisle-sometimes with just an “Aww, so cute,” but more often with a barrage of questions about our stats, followed by a personal story from the interviewer regarding their experience with multiples. Within one shopping excursion I met two people who were a twin, three people who always wanted twins and someone who had a friend who had quadruplets-all of whom were autistic-all this before I even left the meat department.
One major downside to this kind of attention (besides that it takes me forever to food shop!) is that my social skills could use some work. A seven month pregnancy of limited social activity, followed by the three month daily pilgrimage to the NICU, followed by baby boot-camp at home, has left me a little shell shocked, tongue tied, and perhaps a little rude. But mostly I am distracted by the feather tickling the back of my neck that whispers, “There were supposed to be three.” While pregnant, I was so hung up about how I would handle the obvious evidence of IVF that triplets bring-the idea that everyone would know my fertility troubles the second they caught sight of that triplet stroller. Ironically, my concern about my public pride has been replaced by a private pain anytime someone asks, “twins?” and I nod in agreement, too overwhelmed by a sense of betrayal to answer aloud. This sense of disloyalty to that lost baby creeps in anytime things are challenging, joyful, calm, hectic. It hangs around like San Francisco fog (something I have only experienced once but I am a little simile happy today). It clears suddenly and brings the lazy sunshine of gratitude for the things that I have, but when it lingers too long it can ruin even the best day. I guess it may always be that way-happy moments slightly tainted by loss but then made happier by an overwhelming sense of grace. It does make me live in a very wide a wake way-something hard to do on just a few hours sleep. So we continue to make our public appearances, each day appearing and feeling a little stronger.
“How’s it going,” is asked of us frequently and I often reply that it is going exactly the way the inquisitors think it is going. In fact, it is going quite the way I expected it would, with a few exceptions. One thing I thought about while I was pregnant was the amount of attention that multiples bring when out in public. In reality it is much more attention than I expected. While food shopping, we are stopped at least once per aisle-sometimes with just an “Aww, so cute,” but more often with a barrage of questions about our stats, followed by a personal story from the interviewer regarding their experience with multiples. Within one shopping excursion I met two people who were a twin, three people who always wanted twins and someone who had a friend who had quadruplets-all of whom were autistic-all this before I even left the meat department.
One major downside to this kind of attention (besides that it takes me forever to food shop!) is that my social skills could use some work. A seven month pregnancy of limited social activity, followed by the three month daily pilgrimage to the NICU, followed by baby boot-camp at home, has left me a little shell shocked, tongue tied, and perhaps a little rude. But mostly I am distracted by the feather tickling the back of my neck that whispers, “There were supposed to be three.” While pregnant, I was so hung up about how I would handle the obvious evidence of IVF that triplets bring-the idea that everyone would know my fertility troubles the second they caught sight of that triplet stroller. Ironically, my concern about my public pride has been replaced by a private pain anytime someone asks, “twins?” and I nod in agreement, too overwhelmed by a sense of betrayal to answer aloud. This sense of disloyalty to that lost baby creeps in anytime things are challenging, joyful, calm, hectic. It hangs around like San Francisco fog (something I have only experienced once but I am a little simile happy today). It clears suddenly and brings the lazy sunshine of gratitude for the things that I have, but when it lingers too long it can ruin even the best day. I guess it may always be that way-happy moments slightly tainted by loss but then made happier by an overwhelming sense of grace. It does make me live in a very wide a wake way-something hard to do on just a few hours sleep. So we continue to make our public appearances, each day appearing and feeling a little stronger.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
What a Long Strange Trip It's Been
Today, Nona held a bearbunnydog rattle up to Nori and I had a vivid flash back to a picture I took of Nori and Charlie, each with their little gift from Amanda and Eric. I went back in the blog and finally found it-April 11th. The contrast almost knocked me over. As I was looking for the picture, Stacey from USF called to check in on us. A clear sign that today is a day to stop and remind myself of just how far we have come. The "why did this have to happen to us" dig nudges me from time to time but today I am reminded of the gratitude for people and things that this journey has shown me. For some reason I cannot turn this photograph, but I love their smiles so much in this picture it is worth a turn of my head to see it.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Our Adventures
For some reason, Nori is crying in most of the pictures posed with other children. Tyler does not seem to notice but Perri seems worried about her friend. 
We have had a few lunches out and we even went to Monmouth PArk to bet on the ponies.
We have had a few lunches out and we even went to Monmouth PArk to bet on the ponies.
Baby Mayhem
A lull. I almost did not know what to do with myself! Our days are filled with visitors, laundry and diapers. My schedule revolves around who's eating and when I can squeeze in a little sleep. Ironically, I have never felt more at peace. I feel bad that I have not chronicled the first smile, coo, or almost roll over with a date and time stamp; for now each milestone will just stay stamped in my memory under "the first few months we were home." I did drive with both babies by myself on Sunday for a visit to my Dad's. It was very uneventful, so, therefore, very encouraging. Beth wants me to experiment traveling with both babies alone more often-so far I have always left one of them home with a grandma. We are, however, on are way to being more independent.
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