Snap Shots and Snarkiness

So on day two of the photo shoot at The Picture People, we were told that our pictures would be ready in 15 minutes. 15 minutes turned into 2 hours. Such delays bring out the worst in us. In our impatience, we found ways to entertain each other and ourselves. After feeding and changing the babies, who are freak magnets by the way, in the store (we were so over the vinyl couches in front of Sears), watching Ryan talk to a picture of a kid he just met, cleaning Charlie’s spit-up puddle off the floor and watching Eric clean up his Big Gulp puddle off the floor, we turned to people watching. We admired the coordinating outfits of other families and the sparkly dresses of a few little girls-all with the purist of intentions and holiday well wishes. However, as our wait grew, so did our innate snarkiness. That’s when the taxidermist walked in; Dad and son in camouflage holding a deer head. Bryan found it so amazing that he photographed them surreptitiously with his cell phone, which is weird since we would pass Ted’s Taxidermy on the way to his family home, you think these things would not phase him. He’s is so urban now. I thought Camo Dad was on to 007 Bryan Bond and felt that we were priming for a fight. However, I mistook Camo Dad’s stare into space as a stare of discovery. Confrontation averted.

Strike a Pose

Everyday before the afternoon nap I read from a book that Liz gave Nori and Charlie called Give Me Grace. As I just wrote the book title, I am reminded that I have written about the book before and perhaps that the book was more for me than it was for Nori and Charlie. It is a book of daily prayers but they are more meditative than bible banging. Today’s prayer asks to “give me gladness, give me grace.” Some days I do have to ask for it, but today I just have it. Those are the best days.

I did not have much grace last weekend at The Picture People, at least not on the first day. On Saturday morning we propped up Nori and Charlie along with Tyler, and Ryan in dozens of poses-individual, together, the cousins, Tyler with his mom and dad-all the while suffering near the malodorous photographer. (It is a miracle that Ryan did not point out her offensive smell.) It was only a 45 minute photo shoot but in baby time that can seem like days-mostly because I was holding my breath (helpful skill near the photographer) in an effort to somehow hold off any crying or bowel movements. Afterwards, Bryan and I made a quick exit to feed the babies in the mall. I feel like every time we have to feed them somewhere besides home we are brought right back to that rest stop in Jacksonville. It’s like one step out from our routine and we lose all of our baby management skills. So, while we tried to feed the babies in the “lounge” area in front of Sears (maybe it was the vinyl that brought me back to Jacksonville) Amanda came over to let us know that we had no pictures. I think I blanked out while she explained the cause but I recall the words corrupted file, no memory card, or odor contamination. After we got over the disbelief, we sent Bryan in to negotiate our compensation-those skills, luckily, were still in tact. We were scheduled for Sunday morning at 9:40 am with their best photographer. We just hoped that she showered.

Sunday morning came and we tried to face it with a new attitude. Our photographer smelt a little like the Marlboro man but is was a big improvement from the day before. We felt like she took fewer shots but we were just hoping for one good one. Three hours and too much money later-we walked out with our baby glamour shots. Something about those smiles in those glossy pics made all the irritation melt away. Grace, indeed.

Fall 2008

Autumn is definitely my favorite time of year. This autumn, however, was like no other, filled with opportunities to unabashedly smile all day long. Pumpkin picking kicked off the season and was followed by Thompson Park Day and Halloween. Thompson Park Day is probably more appropriate for bigger kids, but I was still tempted to get the babies' faces painted. The weather made our time there short, but it was still great.

I attended the Red Bank Halloween Parade for the first time this year. I had no idea that this huge event takes place a block from my house every year-probably because it occurs the Sunday of my birthday weekend- a day that was usually used for recovery. I coaxed Amanda, Eric and Tyler to walk in the parade while Lisette, Sean and Aidan joined as well. I was a little over zealous as a new mom and decorated my stroller as a garden to transport the little caterpillar and flower. I was maybe a little too disappointed to see that we did not get photographed for the local paper. However, the stroller came in handy for trick-or-treating with Mike, Beth and Ryan.

We also got to visit school this month, stopping in to see the students and teachers working on homecoming decorations. We tried to make it to the game but the weather, yet again, thwarted our plans.

Straddling my stay-at-home-mom life with my old life does make me feel a little schizophrenic at times, but I learn new things about myself every time I do something new or something new with babies. I still feel like a tourist in my own life-as if this is all something temporary-which it is, really, because the babies are always changing things up on me-but I still feel like I am trying to find that place of comfort, of home. Walking down Broad street with my crazy stroller, holding Bryan's hand definitely had that feeling, but making trick or treat bags at AC Moore with the MOM's group I joined had me feeling that somebody should surely check my passport.

** I started writing this post on Oct 21 and just finished it now. How sad is that!

Perspective

My Favorite Day

Does this Hat Clash with my Pajamas?

Not Another Running Metaphor

I often find myself thinking about what I would have been doing before the babies came along at different points in the day. For instance, the babies need an activity from 4:00-6:00, so last Friday we went for a walk in the neighborhood and I thought about how in my old life I would have been getting a manicure, making plans for the evening and weekend. I am wistful at times, but then a feeling of balance comes along. I feel like I lived a few lifetimes before these babies came along and I miss parts of the other lives, but overall, I feel like they lend a point of view that I am grateful to have.

I can view things through different lenses while simultaneously wearing my old glasses. Recently, I joined a mom’s fitness program. (Apparently my need for organized activity has not dissipated along with my neat fingers and toes.) We meet in the park and run, jog, or walk a course and pause at points to strength train. It’s fun and helps me to be social with local moms, hang with the babies, etc.. So today, as we were jogging the path, a lone female jogger was coming toward our group of 10 women, each pushing a single or double stroller. As the woman approached she scowled, “At least form a single file.” Her anger was clear and her tone audible enough for at least five of us to hear her. I got the feeling that her complaint was a repeated one. When we paused, the moms began talking. “I bet that’s her, the one who complained.” Apparently, the stroller fitness club had a complaint filed against them with the park ranger, (a yogi bear like figure comes to mind, with a little green hat fastened under his chin) for forcing joggers off of the path. Now most of the moms push the very trendy and cool BOB stroller, which allows for a lot steering flexibility so that you can get out of the way for serious runners. However, BOB stands for “Beast of Burden.” Perhaps a group of women, clearly plump from pregnancy, pushing strollers named after a Rolling Stones song, down a shady path, is fairly menacing. But, as the stroller fit moms speculated about the identity of the plaintiff, I put on my old glasses and saw us from that jogger’s point of view. Although I never had the opportunity to run this well landscaped path on a random, beautiful, Wednesday morning, I could see how we looked. I probably would have been annoyed, having to break my stride to allow a group of galloping gals and their kavetching kids to get out of my way. The source of my annoyance would have probably come from a place other than a need to keep a 10-minute mile. I hoped that the jogger was not familiar with that place too.
Nori and Charlie, however, were oblivious to the runner’s rant and the speculation that followed. Instead, they cried while I tried to work my new mommy middle. I think they just wanted to come home and play. I try to see things from their point of view too.

Tummy Time Baby Race

This video might be evidence that perhaps it was a mistake not to go back to work this year. When I am not running baby races, I am running a little ragged. In an attempt to give myself some structure, I joined mommy moves-a fitness class that incorporates the stroller. I procrastinated joining the group until I had the perfect jogger stroller. Once that purchase was completed, I had no excuses. Overall, I am glad I am doing it, but I still feel like an alien in the mommy world. The babies, however, are adapting fine. They love being outside so we are taking advantage of the great weather while we are hanging out with other moms and babies.

Caught Being Silly

Charlie is caught red handed here. We think he is getting Nori back for the many sleep interruptions she causes nightly. I'm not sure when we shot this video so I have no explanation for why Charlie is in his pajamas and Nori is dressed for a night out.

Spying on Nori

Today was not the first time Nori sucked her thumb, but it was the first time I was quick enough with the camera to catch it. Charlie sucks his thumb also but only when he really needs some comfort. Nori seems to favor the left thumb which may indicate that she will be left handed like her Aunt Amanda. I need to find out if her namesake, Aunt Nori, is left-handed too.

Beach Day

Nori and Charlie got in one beach day this summer. They decided to go on Thursday to beat the Labor Day crowds and to hang at Seven Presidents Park with their cousin Ben.

Six Months Old

So glad to have this brief moment to update the blog. I often feel guilty that I am not making elaborate scrapbooks for them and that this is my only memento and I cannot even keep it updated! Bryan is playing with Nori, and Charlie is taking a much needed snooze. They will soon clamor for a nighttime bottle but until then I can write away. We had our six month check up a week ago and things are looking good, real good. Charlie is 23 1/2 inches and weighs 9lbs 10 oz, while Nori is 22 1/2 inches and weighs 9 lbs 13 oz. We are eating cereal two to three times a day and we just recently added fruit. Currently, we are on apples. I used to chortle, as I sipped my red wine at half price wine night at The Salt Creek Grill, at the moms searching for organic baby food, chiding them under my breath for sheltering their children from the future realities of the public school cafeteria. Guess who was at Whole Foods last week combing the baby aisle for peaches and pears-I kept my sunglasses on the whole time lest I was spotted by one of those now veteran moms. Next thing you now I will lobbying for soy milk at the elementary school. What has happened to me? Many days I am not sure, but most of the time it is pretty wonderful, or maybe that's the half price organic apple juice talking talking.

Aunt Beth's Photo Shoot

Beth has a lot more experience than I do at baby photo shoots.

Here we are last week hanging with Tyler and Ryan. Tyler was born in May, but I think we look like we are catching up to him.

Please Do Not Feed the Super Models

Nori forgot to eat before a recent photo shoot. Hunger struck without warning after we snapped a few pics. Before the feeding frenzy, Nonna and I did manage to get a few good shots. These pictures are before and after the video. Charlie's expression says it all.

We Love Our Older Cousins

Ben likes hanging with his cousins at Aunt Em and Uncle Mike's house. Ryan loves to read to his cousins and sing lullabys.

Public Appearances

I am home all day, shouldn’t I have plenty of time to write? It seems that when I postpone this time it gets waylaid to online shopping at Baby Gap-about all I have the brain power for some days. So it is 5:47am- not so obscene a time to be up and thinking, since I was up and showered for school by this time most days in my old life. Even this exercise is done within earshot of the baby monitor-a beacon of peaceful calm or of cacophonous mayhem, making every word I write a rushed luxury or blatant evidence of neglect (Note: After writing this I did go up to find poor Charlie covered in spit up. This picture was taken just a few moments afterwards. He forgives me much faster than I forgive myself!) Either way, I am still glad to be here in the moments before sunrise to record the thoughts running around my head like pennies in a coke can or wind through the trees-any overused simile will suffice.

“How’s it going,” is asked of us frequently and I often reply that it is going exactly the way the inquisitors think it is going. In fact, it is going quite the way I expected it would, with a few exceptions. One thing I thought about while I was pregnant was the amount of attention that multiples bring when out in public. In reality it is much more attention than I expected. While food shopping, we are stopped at least once per aisle-sometimes with just an “Aww, so cute,” but more often with a barrage of questions about our stats, followed by a personal story from the interviewer regarding their experience with multiples. Within one shopping excursion I met two people who were a twin, three people who always wanted twins and someone who had a friend who had quadruplets-all of whom were autistic-all this before I even left the meat department.

One major downside to this kind of attention (besides that it takes me forever to food shop!) is that my social skills could use some work. A seven month pregnancy of limited social activity, followed by the three month daily pilgrimage to the NICU, followed by baby boot-camp at home, has left me a little shell shocked, tongue tied, and perhaps a little rude. But mostly I am distracted by the feather tickling the back of my neck that whispers, “There were supposed to be three.” While pregnant, I was so hung up about how I would handle the obvious evidence of IVF that triplets bring-the idea that everyone would know my fertility troubles the second they caught sight of that triplet stroller. Ironically, my concern about my public pride has been replaced by a private pain anytime someone asks, “twins?” and I nod in agreement, too overwhelmed by a sense of betrayal to answer aloud. This sense of disloyalty to that lost baby creeps in anytime things are challenging, joyful, calm, hectic. It hangs around like San Francisco fog (something I have only experienced once but I am a little simile happy today). It clears suddenly and brings the lazy sunshine of gratitude for the things that I have, but when it lingers too long it can ruin even the best day. I guess it may always be that way-happy moments slightly tainted by loss but then made happier by an overwhelming sense of grace. It does make me live in a very wide a wake way-something hard to do on just a few hours sleep. So we continue to make our public appearances, each day appearing and feeling a little stronger.

What a Long Strange Trip It's Been

Today, Nona held a bearbunnydog rattle up to Nori and I had a vivid flash back to a picture I took of Nori and Charlie, each with their little gift from Amanda and Eric. I went back in the blog and finally found it-April 11th. The contrast almost knocked me over. As I was looking for the picture, Stacey from USF called to check in on us. A clear sign that today is a day to stop and remind myself of just how far we have come. The "why did this have to happen to us" dig nudges me from time to time but today I am reminded of the gratitude for people and things that this journey has shown me. For some reason I cannot turn this photograph, but I love their smiles so much in this picture it is worth a turn of my head to see it.

Father's Day Photo Shoot

Our Adventures

For some reason, Nori is crying in most of the pictures posed with other children. Tyler does not seem to notice but Perri seems worried about her friend. We have had a few lunches out and we even went to Monmouth PArk to bet on the ponies.

Baby Mayhem

A lull. I almost did not know what to do with myself! Our days are filled with visitors, laundry and diapers. My schedule revolves around who's eating and when I can squeeze in a little sleep. Ironically, I have never felt more at peace. I feel bad that I have not chronicled the first smile, coo, or almost roll over with a date and time stamp; for now each milestone will just stay stamped in my memory under "the first few months we were home." I did drive with both babies by myself on Sunday for a visit to my Dad's. It was very uneventful, so, therefore, very encouraging. Beth wants me to experiment traveling with both babies alone more often-so far I have always left one of them home with a grandma. We are, however, on are way to being more independent.

Hanging with Our Cousins

At some point, we will be ready for a formal portrait, complete with matching outfits. This is not a true representation of Aunt Beth's quality photo shoots.