Anxiety Abounds

Met with Dr. Penny yesterday. After a brief exam-belly measurement, baby heartbeat check, etc., he gave us unsolicited financial advice regarding how expensive triplets can be, which offended Bryan, mostly because right from the beginning of the conversation I said, "We have already been thinking about the financial constraints, " knowing my face said, "I don't care about the money, I just want to have these babies and have them be healthy." Dr. Penney continued as if I did not speak so Bryan said, "We've got it covered, " yet Dr. Penney, who must get a commission from Dean Witter, droned on about the cost of college, hospital bills, etc. Bryan was insulted and cranky the whole way home. Bry thinks that we should go in presenting our college degrees and a short biography outlining our life experiences so that the people in this particular Dr.'s office stop treating us like imbeciles.

This made me cranky. After some careful self analysis I figured out why. I need to trust these people. They are my connection to a healthy, successful pregnancy, so if I admit they are inadequate I start to panic. Perhaps, I need to rely on something else for support. This thought was further illustrated by the Dr's answer to my questions regrading Christmas travel. I know he was trying to be honest but hearing that if something went wrong in the next few weeks and I was an hour away it probably wouldn't make a difference when it came to saving the babies anyway was not the yuletide cheer I was looking for.

So, what do I do? For some reason, Oprah's latest lackey's book comes to mind: Eat, Pray, Love. From what I understand, it is about one woman's journey to self discovery after she realizes that being married, living in a nice home, and having children are not at all for her and she spends the next few years traveling in order to figure it all out. Probably not the subject matter for me at this time in my life, however, the title may be. If I can focus my negative feelings on those three things in a positive way (along with consuming 60 oz of water) perhaps I can lessen the anxiety. I do not want to pout over this pregnancy, thinking every sign of life coming from my belly is a fortune telling talisman telling of imminent disaster. Instead, rely on what I know is reliable: Bry, rest, the love of my family and friends-and let that grow these babies.