Charlie is Not the Biggest Loser

Charlie has gained a whole pound since birth making him 2lb. 5oz. The babies are weighed during the night shift. When we are there for the big event it feels a lot like an episode of The Biggest Loser, probably because we cheer like it is a game/reality show.

In this picture he is showing off his rosy cheeks, huge biceps and talent for making spit bubbles.

Nori's Bath

Tonight we bathed Nori for the first time. She almost started crying when we put her in this Tupperware bucket to rinse her but once she felt the warm water she relaxed and gave in to her mini spa experience. The nurse was there to walk me through it but at one point she did walk away and I almost panicked. Nori, however, remained calm yet looked a little frightened once it was all over.

Fashion Choices

Nori loves her hat from Nonna.

While on C-PAP, Nori is limited to only one hat choice. Now that she has grown a little, she can be free from the C-PAP for two hours every four hours. As she gets stronger, she can stay off of the C-PAP for longer periods of time until she will eventually not need it at all. The way she behaves when the nurse puts the tubes back on her is an indication that she won't need it for long. The nursing staff is really wonderful and professional so they use a lot of euphemisms; like instead of saying, "Your kid is a brat," they say, "Wow she's really feisty." "Feisty" seems to be the most popular adjective for Nori and for Charlie. For two little two pound people they sure can move.

Gram is that you?

Nori knows she has heard that voice before.

Same Time Last Year

I took a break from playing Tetris on my cell phone (what else am I supposed to do in the gloomy breast feeding room while it takes 30 minutes to pump out lunch for Charlie and Nori?) to text Jessica (I am really good at multitasking). Last year at this time, Jessica, Chrissy and I were in Barcelona. We roamed the city every morning, took disco naps in the afternoon, and then headed out for a lot of tapas and wine. We were connoisseurs of Catalan cuisine and fluent in Spanish when necessary. We sat in a small bar drinking great red wine watching 80's music videos from Madonna and Wham! on a large flatscreen above the bar. By the time the Cher video came on Jessica was sure we were in a gay bar. It was not until the Boy George video that Chrissy and I agreed. Today, Jessica was watching Lifetime and I was hanging out in a NICU. Chrissy, perhaps, was doing something closer to our lives a year ago but I could not text England. She will be home soon and hopefully so will I. Refelcting about that trip did not make me feel sad about the radical change in my life but instead I felt grateful. A year ago if I had to predict how I might feel in a situation like I am currently in I might have said resentful. But really, as I sat in the overused vinyl chair hoping no one would walk in on me looking for supplies (because the breast feeding room is really a supply closet in disguise), I just felt content and perhaps prepared. Not prepared and content about the challenges that motherhood would present me but rather content and prepared to have a year unlike any I have experienced before.

Can I See Your ID?

This is the second time I have heard this question in the last six weeks. The first time, both Bryan and I were carded in a dodgy Cuban restaurant when we ordered a couple of beers with dinner. This time I am standing at the checkout of the grocery store. Perhaps white zinfandel (my mom is coming this week) and Red Truck brand red wine (again, my mom will be here this week) are popular among the kids here in Florida. “I’m sorry,” the class of 2006 graduate cashier said, “it’s just that you don’t look over thirty.” “No problem,” I say, feeling good that the extra 20 pounds I am still carrying around has clearly filled in the cheek hollows that probably would have revealed my age 10 months ago. After seeing my ID the cashier went on to tell me how great she thought New Jersey was and how lucky I am to live there. Then the bagger (yes, they have actual baggers here in Florida, all the time, not just when Johnny has nothing to clean up in aisle 5) offers to bring my cart out to my car. Perhaps from his angle I do look my age and in need of some assistance.

In Your Easter Bonnet

One of the nurses found Easter print outfits for Nori and Charlie among the handmade goods brought to the NICU by a local sewing group. After some debate, it was decided that these outfits, were in fact, dresses and that Charlie would not be wearing one. I argued that I wanted my son (I love calling him that!) to grow up free from any stereotypes that might bind him from becoming his true self. I was shouted down by the nursing staff, including Charlie's primary nurse, Dave, and Bryan. So, we only have pictures of Nori in the Easter outfit. Hopefully, she will not feel trapped in a stereotype since she was forced to wear this dress.

Nori's Thoughts

"I wish my Dad would stop dressing like Rocco Dispirito and just hold me."

Nori's Wish Comes True

"Ahhhh. I am so cozy."

Raise Your Hand if You Are Two Pounds!

Charlie weighed in last night at 932 grams. If must have been due to the inspiration provided by the book Aunt Sara sent him, Charlie the Can Do Choo Choo.

Charlie and I sit on a rocking chair disguised new by a coat of white paint. It has begun to betray itself, for one of many shades of white push through the peeled spots, but it still functions as a maternity tool. We rock in time to the rhythm of the NICU. Beeps and boops, call bells, alarm bells, and doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles. Around us, three new babies are admitted; two a set of twins born at 24 weeks. At first my heart goes out to them but then I am only concerned with how their arrival will affect my evening visit. Across from us a Nurse explains a baby's condition to her mom but it's hard to eavesdrop because I only took college level Spanish at Ocean County Community College with my sister Beth, where we were only concerned with what kind of flavored coffee mate they might have in the cafeteria that day. On second thought, I doubt we missed the chapter on medical terminology. In front of us passes Nori's neighbor being wheeled out for kidney surgery; I try to make only brief eye contact with his parents for fear that my smile may not be reassuring enough. Behind us, I can hear Nori's nurse prepare blood for a pick-me-up transfusion. I realize that the nurse has strategically positioned our chair so that I have my back to her and Nori. So, Charlie and I rock back and forth. He is only concerned with my heartbeat, so I focus on him and he reassures me that everything is going to be okay.

Familiar Friends

I found myself in Target the other day. The second the automatic doors opened I was cocooned by the sticky smell of the snack bar and within a few steps I felt as if I walked through some kind of travel portal. In a time where I feel like I have very little control over the things in my life I welcome the constants. The smell and set up of Target is one of those constants. I don’t have to worry about what lies behind a turn or what I might meet at the end of the aisle because I know where things are. I don’t really need to buy anything on this particular day. I just need something familiar.
The Google home page is another friend. It reminds me of holidays and today it reminds me that it is the first day of Spring. This day would have just passed by unremarkably here in Florida but those flowers surrounding the .com logo remind me that if I were home I would have marked the day by taking the long way home from work today. I imagine that it is sunny in New Jersey (although traditionally the weather provides irony on the first day of Spring) as I might go over the Navesink Bridge, mustering all my willpower to drive on past Crazee’s ice cream, and continue on down River Road to home. Today, as I wind around Hillsborough Bay, I will be reminded that I am a long way from home, but those constants that are ever present will tell again that home is just around the corner or at the end of the aisle.

Charlie the Caterpillar

Today Charlie received a book from Jack and Danny called Charlie the Caterpillar. Again, Bryan and I were relieved that his name was found on something. Our Charlie wiggles like a caterpillar so I think he really related to the protagonist in the story. Also, Charlie the caterpillar is at first self conscience about how he looks, which may be our Charlie's issue too. Why else would his brow be so furrowed?

Easter Gifts

Charlie enjoys his new afghan from Nonna and a card and bunny from Gram.

Last week we had a small sepsis scare, causing me to wash all of their blankets without any regard to proper handling care. As a result, Charlie's original afghan did not make it out of the dryer. However, this new afghan really accents his isolette well.

The Name Game

The other day Bryan and I were checking out a children's store. They had a huge display of colorful sippy cups with children's names on them. We searched the display tree full of cups touting Aidans, Jacks, Zacks, Emmas, and Jennas, only to come up empty when it came to Nori and Charlie. I panicked. Had we already set our children up for disappointment? Had we traded tradition for isolation? The very next day, a package from Amazon arrived from Denice.

Although Good Night Nori's protagonist is a male cat who carries a purse, the theme fits our Nori well. The story is about how Nori has trouble sleeping because he wants to play with his friends. Our Nori seems to be very awake most of the time and often tries to escape from her isolette to play with her friends. Yesterday when we came to visit, Nurse Cathy had her on lock down because when she was not looking Nori had wiggled out of her snuggly and up the side of the crib.

I'm 1,000 Grams!

March 22 Picture Change: Nori thought she looked better in this picture too Aunt Sara!

As a reward for hitting the 1,000 gram mark, the nurse let Nori have a few minutes without her C-Pap (extra oxygen) gear on. She hung out without it for 40 minutes, which is huge.

Grandpa took his once a week bath on Saturday night too...

"Why are you guys bugging me? I'm not even dirty!"

A fun Saturday night used to include a bang up dinner at Teak followed by a few Cosmopolitans at Echo. Currently, fun has been redefined. Last night's highlight was giving Charlie a bath. Seeing him without all his gear on is like seeing him for the first time. Bryan did all the work while I documented and cheered him on. After his bath in bed, Charlie gets wrapped in a warm towel. It is just like a day at the spa.

Nori's Great Escape

Now that Nori is 2 lbs and almost 3 oz she feels that she can leave the NICU. Here she is trying to escape. Charlie, on the other hand, is content to hang with mom. In this picture I am holding his chin up to keep his mouth closed. He likes to keep it wide open, letting all the extra oxygen he is getting right out of his mouth. The other day he scared the heck out of me, turning a very unpleasant color, trying to clear phlegm from his throat. While trying to help him do that, a not so tiny special package from his tiny diaper leaked out on to my stomach, my hand, and the nurse's hand.

Show Me Your Friends

Some people may have heard me say, “Show me your friends and I will show you what you are;” a quote from my mother intended to keep me away from jerks in middle school. I can only believe my mother’s wisdom to be true because her many other Lena-isms are, such as “if it is meant to be,” and “it’s like a tundra out there.” But seriously, if my friends and my family are what I am, then I must be pretty extraordinary. Just when I think I cannot take one more thing, the phone rings, an email pops up, a card arrives, or a package leans against our temporary apartment door. Just when I could not feel further from home, a force pulls me back in. I know how much we are being thought about and prayed for because I can feel it. It pulls me out of bed each morning and helps me to fall asleep at night. We have heard people say that if something like this were to happen to anyone that we are the two that would deal with it the best. Maybe that’s true. But if it is, it is because we feel like we are not handling it alone.

Story Time

Last night, Bryan read Nori Thumbelina, a story that I think placed too much emphasis on the pressure for girls to marry. Isn't there a book of politically correct Fairy Tales?

Speaking of political correctness, Bryan began with Br'er Rabbit for Charlie but the vernacular in that story was a little off color for the NICU so he switched to the Steadfast Tin Soldier. Clearly, I am having issues with A Treasury of Children's Literature.

North Jersey Girls Rule

Dr. H has been taking care of Nori and Charlie for the past few weeks. During rounds recently, she asked me if Nori is a true Jersey girl due to her unexpected birth in Florida. I told her that I will begin indoctrinating her right away because she should know her roots, beginning with tape recordings of Springsteen and Bon Jovi to be played round the clock. Forget about Good Night Moon. I thought it was funny that Dr. H asked that, only to find out last night that Dr. H is from Bloomfield. I told her that I was from Clifton and I could tell she was trying to imagine me with big north Jersey hair as I was her (we are around the same age). If anyone has a Bloomfield High year book, circa 1988-1990 please let me know so we can look her up. I was already confident and comfortable with Dr. H but now I am even more so since she is one of my people. Perhaps we can get some Hot Grill shipped down here along with good bagels with lox and cream cheese from the Tick Tock.

Nori and her dad

Family Time

I'm Two Pounds!

Weekends in the NICU

Charlie Smiles


A weekend of ups and downs. On the up side, Nori and Charlie are gaining weight and Nori has reached 2 lbs! The mood of the NICU, on the other hand, often becomes part of our mood. Even though they are doing so well, Nori and Charlie are still in a part of the NICU for sicker babies. On Friday we cut our night visit short because Nori's NICU neighbor passed away. I am not sure how many times I can witness a family go through what we went through before I lose my mind. Surely all families look different, but in that situation it all looks the same. However, just when I think I cannot handle anymore, I get a smile from Charlie (or his best attempt at a smile!) or a snuggle from Nori.

Charlie and Me

Nori and Me, March 5, 2008

I love when she is wide awake!

Charlie

Nori

The tubes in her nose are called C-Pap. It's just a little extra oxygen.

Where are we?

During a routine doctor’s visit on Friday, February 8, we learned that our twin boys were experiencing twin to twin transfusion syndrome-a complication that puts both babies in extreme danger. We were admitted to Monmouth Medical directly from the doctor’s office and presented with our options. We had some choices, but none of them were very good. After much discussion together and with our doctor, Bry and I decided that the best of the terrible options was to fly to Tampa, Florida to seek the help of a specialist.; Dr. Quintero is the leader in curing twin to twin transfusion syndrome. On Monday we landed in Tampa expecting to relax on Tuesday and begin our procedures on Wednesday and finish by Thursday. On Tuesday morning, February 12, at 8:30 am, my water broke. The babies needed to be delivered via emergency C-section. Robert Michael was born at 10:18 a.m. weighing 14.8 oz, Charles James at 10:19 weighing 1.5 lbs, and Honora at 10:21 weighing 1.9lbs.

I did not get to see them until the next day. I was put to sleep for the C-Section and needed some assistance in getting down to the NICU. That first night, the nurse tech, Lucille, came in to do vitals and asked if I had seen the babies. I told her no and confessed that I was afraid of how I might react when I saw them. She went down and took pictures of the babies with her cell phone and came back in to show me. We looked at them together and then she left me alone to have a good cry.

The next day Bryan and I went to see the babies with another nurse tech, Zoraida, who helped me get soaped up and shuffled in to the NICU. Bryan and I nodded with glazed eyes as the doctor went over the myriad of medical issues facing our babies over the next 72 hours, 7 days, etc. I touched each baby and prayed.

Two days after their birth, we got the news about Bobby. I cannot yet write the details of that moment for they are locked in my heart and transcend words. We held our first baby for the first and last time. He taught us so much in that brief moment.

Now, three weeks, almost four weeks later, we get stronger everyday. We meaning all of us: Bryan, me, Nori and Charlie. The ride feels somewhat like a unicycle-sometimes balanced and steady, sometimes able to recover from a near meeting with the ground, and sometimes a complete wipeout. We learn so much no matter what the ride brings each day.

We will be here in Tampa for at least another 8 weeks as our babies get bigger and stronger. We miss the proximity of our family and friends. However the love we are so lucky to have in our lives from the people in it makes us feel like you all walk beside us everyday.