Baby Jail

Nori and Charlie are now sharing a prison beige crib and so far so good. And so we wait, and that waiting feels weighty. To alleviate some of the pressure, I decided to cut off my hair. It was somewhat reminiscent of Brittany Spears' visit to the barber shop except I am not that crazy yet and I went to an Aveda Salon and did not shave my head. I can, however, empathize with her bold haircut move because I do feel much better with all of that hair gone.

Running Close to Empty

Last year, my sisters and I ran a 5K. It started out on pavement, with the wind at our backs, and then went through the woods and on sea level sand, hopping over tree roots. We found a groove and kept pace with each other, making great time. The hardest part of the entire run was the last ½ mile that had us back on the asphalt, but running against the wind, with the finish line in sight. The wind was blowing so hard that it made my eyes fill with tears, blurring the exact distance between the end and myself. The victory of having had run so far was not enough to propel me towards the goal. Once I could make out Ryan and my mom at the finish line, however, I was able to give those last few feet my all. I suppose this metaphor is an obvious one for this last week and the next one, two, maybe three to come, but it wasn’t obvious to me until I started writing about it. My own strength pushes me only so far, but today, I may need a motivational piggy back ride to make it to the end. Luckily, there are plenty of people in my life offering up their backs.

Post Lunch Storytime

Charlie enjoys his Peek-a-boo book from Aunt Beth.

Charlie's Realization

Charlie has no idea that he is sharing a crib.

He finally discovers who has been hitting him in the back of the head.

He decides to get her back for always waking him up.

Stop Looking At My Brother!

Nonna and Aunt Sara Come to Visit

Nori and Charlie got in some cuddling time with Nonna and Aunt Sara for a couple of days. I hope it motivates them to eat and grow more so they can spend more time with them at home!

One Step Forward, One Step Back

..and you do the NICU hokey pokey and you turn yourself around, that's what it's all about. We had to move back to isoletes today in order to work on our body temps. We also decided to let Nori and Charlie "co-bed" in order to help keep each other warm. So although we are stepping back a little, it is awfully cute the way they are cuddling.

"Play with me! Play with me!"
"Quit it Nori! Mom! She keeps touching me!"

New Digs

New Digs

Overtime

This weekend brought many changes including moving off of our row into a quiet room and moving into cribs. We are so close I can barely take it. A brief conversation with their doctor enhanced this belief so we went shopping for the basics on Sunday. Our cart was full with all the trappings a new baby demands. The Babies R Us cashier efficiently rang us up, noting our choices, and inquired, "Boy and Girl Twins?" "Yes," we smiled back. She then discreetly looked me over and asked, "Adopting?" I suppose I should be happy that I do not look pregnant anymore but a part of me wistfully regrets never being able to take advantage of the "expecting mom's" parking space. I am just about over the fact that I will not be wheeled out of the hospital with "It's a boy!" and "It's girl!" balloons tied to my wheelchair, flanked with bundles of joy in my arms and a beaming husband dutifully pushing towards our new life. I just want to break out of this limbo. Bryan tried not to laugh at me last night as I struggled to put together the pack and play ("portable" my a**), using instructions that are thoughtfully written in three languages but are of no help whatsoever. I washed clothes, sheets and towels, hoping that each act would bring me one more day, one more minute, closer to having these babies with us so I can quit this part-time parenting job.

Just Another Day in Paradise

An uneventful day in the NICU-just the way we like them. Nori is working on sucking, swallowing, and breathing. Charlie is growing. It is so quiet in our new room that I have enough time to take random videos that make me smile. It seems that right now we do get Nurse Dave in our new digs unless a super sick baby comes in. Charlie is thrilled.

Where's the Party?

Nori has graduated from size "tiny" to size "preemie" in the preemiesrus.com collection. Here she is in her party outfit. Yesterday the tube hanging from her nose was removed because she is all "PO" feedings.

I'm 3 lbs.!

Charlie has finally reached his 3 lb. mark. He decided to wear this dinosaur outfit because he feels as big as a brontosaurus. He is also eating by mouth 4 times a day. Both babies are now known as "feeder-growers" in the NICU, which is a good thing. As a result of their new status, we were moved from the row we have been in for the last two months to a smaller room that we share with one other baby. The privacy is nice, making feeding times a little more convenient, and it is quieter because we only have three monitors as back round music rather than 20. However, we have to get to know a new set of nurses and I fear we may not have Charlie's favorite nurse, Dave, anymore. Getting to know anyone in this unit brings its challenges. For example, within the first five minutes that we were in the new room, the new nurse came in and asked if the other baby in the room being held by his mother was baby "a," as Charlie and Nori's cribs are marked "b" and "c" from their birth. Later on another nurse came in to cover a lunch break and asked where baby "a" was. I know that this is a legitimate question given the markings on Nori and Charlie's cribs and charts, and it is not that I don't want to talk about Bobby, but not necessarily with strangers. I also got the question, after revealing we were from New Jersey, "Oh, so you were on vacation?" I suppose there are some women who when they are 7 months pregnant with triplets may go on vacation, but the question still bugs me anyway. Overall, however, this change to a new room is a good thing because it means we are one step closer to walking out the door.

Supermarket Mindsweep

Why would gnocchi and poultry seasoning be in the Kosher section of the supermarket? How can hamburger rolls be marketed as fresh bakery rolls? Are perogies so exotic a food choice that they are only available in the tri-state area? Why would you need to carry your gun in the supermarket? Bryan was such an amazing cook while I was on bed-rest and he continues to mix up some great dinners for us while I tend to our nursing schedule. However, the local supermarket has put a damper on his creativity in the kitchen. I'll just add these things to the long list of things I should not take for granted.

Go Charlie!

Charlie showed off his superior sucking skills yesterday by working his binky, even though it was upside down, and nursing like a champ. His once a day PO feedings will probably increase quickly, really letting me get a glimpse of what it might feel like to nurse twins.

Daddy, Can I Have a Pony?

A Super Sweet Sixteen Marathon on MTV used to make for a great Saturday afternoon. Now, Bryan is well on his way to trumping the dad who sent his daughter to Paris to buy a dress for her party. At least we didn't name Nori Amberly. Perhaps Jay-Z will be available to play the Christening.

Charming Charlie

Contrary to what I thought might happen, Charlie is a new man since the removal of his C-PAP. Now, however, he is ready to ditch his OG tube and eat for real. Right now, he chews on the tube like he has a mouth full of Hubba Bubba. He pulled it half way out of his mouth last night and threw a fit when it had to be put back in.

Nori: Up Close and Personal

Drink! Drink! Drink!

Last night Nori chugged this bottle like she was a Delta Zeta at the Arrowhead for last call. She is doing well with her by mouth (PO) feedings, but two back to back seem to tire her out, giving her this morning after look (How did I get home last night?). I can't wait for our pictures to not include the yellow plastic dresses we have to wear in the NICU. Not only are they ugly, but they make me sweat like I am wrapped in a garbage bag, especially when breast feeding. In order to provide some privacy, a mobile divider is placed around us, leaving just enough room for me, the baby, and a rocking chair, maybe Bryan. This is good training for when I may need to breast feed in a phone booth.

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Charlie's Challenge

This weekend Charlie will be off of his C-PAP completely. We are nervous about pushing him too hard, but he apparently throws a fit everytime the nurse trys to put his C-PAP on. We think he finally understands that if he just breathes we won't have to shove that thing up his nose anymore. Bryan thinks he looks like Uncle Dan but that wrinkled forehead is very familiar to me.

Little Gifts

Aunt Amanda and Uncle Eric sent fun toys and a

glimpse of home in the form of a DVD. Masterfully narrated by Eric and Amanda, it depicted a regular weekend at home which included stunts done by Ryan, Aunt Nori and Uncle Ernie working on our house, and lunch at Zebu. We will probably watch the DVD again and again, accompanied by the "kick ass blend" Zebu coffee sent by Aunt Nori and Uncle Ernie. It is the closest to home we have been in a while.

Sandy's visit provided a new look for our cribs; comfort in the form of snugglies for Charlie and Nori and in the form of love and prayer for me. Not to mention a marathon walk on the baywalk followed by a Blair Witch Project expedition to find our way back to the apartment, much like one Amanda and I had this summer in LBI when we could not locate her bright pink flipflops marking our ascent to the beach.

Rock and Roll Like a Ball

Yesterday was the first time I could roll like a ball. A basic Pilates move that in my pre-pregnancy life I would zip past and onto something more complicated and calorically calculated had recently become a goal. A year ago, I would have suppressed my smugness if I had glanced to the mat next to me, seeing someone struggle to touch their toes as I pressed my nose to me knees. Yesterday, however, I was just happy that I could sit up without having to roll to one side using my elbow like a crutch. After my victory I came back from the fitness center in our apartment complex and told Bryan all about it. He reminded me that it was only 9 weeks ago that I was “sawed in half.” Nevertheless, as a reward and to provide further motivation, I decided to buy a balance ball and really get serious about losing this baby weight. As a result, I blew up my Target theory. The Target in the new neighborhood is crazy. It sits high atop a parking garage that pitches like the Rock and Roll Roller Coaster at one of those Disney theme parks. Perhaps it is not that extreme but it seemed that way since I was pumping Kansas from XM Radio’s “Big Tracks” from the pimp my ride Yukon stereo system. The inside of this Target resembles more of a Bradlees, or perhaps even a Two Guys, yet right outside the checkout was a Starbucks. Despite the incongruity I was feeling, I still bought my balance ball. Facing a situation that demands emotional strength while feeling so physically weak is an ironic imbalance that probably will not be fixed by the balance ball, but at least it is a healthy diversion.

I'm Handsome, But I'm Not Happy About It

Action Packed Film

Bryan can watch re-runs of West Wing and The Office over and over again. He will also tune in to Shawshank Redemption, Troy, and Forest Gump anytime they are on and watch them like it is the first time he has seen it. Now, this is his favorite film.

Bliss

Got Milk?

Nori currently is having two bottles and one shot at breast feeding a day. She is doing a great job.



We just moved to a new apartment. It is only five minutes from the hospital making it a lot easier for us to be there for feedings. Bryan and Uncle Sean efficiently moved a freezer full of breast milk from one apartment to the next-no small task in the early humidity that has been part of our weather lately. They worked well under the pressure so I am still way ahead of the babies in terms of milk. However, we have no room for anything else in our freezer.

Do these horizontal stripes make me look fat?

The nurse kept Charlie's "pig nose" on because he was about to go back on his oxygen after being off of it for a while. Right now he is off for 3 hours, on for three hours. I was a little nervous about pushing him too hard but the nurse reminded me that he is 35 weeks and he needs to step it up. So far, he has.

Bonus Time

Tomorrow it will be 8 weeks. I talked with the case manger about a medical transport home but since it is not a medical necessity it is a financial unreality. However, we are coming off of a string of visitors, with my mom and Lisette and Sean visiting over the last two weeks and Sandy coming over today. We are revitalized immediately by their presence but I have to admit I feel deflated as they leave. The energy they provide, though, has been sustaining overall. Also, as much as I want to be home, moving the babies from one hospital to another does not exactly make me feel comfortable. Additionally, we do really feel cared for by the hospital staff here and the babies get stronger everyday. Last night was bath night and the nurse, who took care of the babies week one, hugged me after we were finished. We have an 8-week history together that holds fast with posttraumatic stress glue. The doctors and nurses have different predictions for our release date. I chose to side with the more optimistic predictions of 4 to 6 weeks. When I get anxious about the time I am missing with the babies while they are in the hospital I remind myself that I should not have met them until maybe this week. So, the time we spend together now is just a bonus.

I'll Be Wrapped Around Your Finger

Nori's tiny hand wraps around Bryan's finger like a caterpillar. She opens her eyes and takes him all in and in a split second he is hers. She has already been promised a pony as a reward for her smile. This petite powerhouse has made him content as he is captured.

Future Baby Gap Models

Aunt Lisette is already a fashion influence on Nori. Charlie is still growing into his size "tiny" preemie wear.

Turning the Corner

As of today, Charlie is 2lbs. 9 oz. and Nori is 3lbs. 2 oz. Nori is completely off of her C-PAP and is being weaned off of her temperature controlled isolete. This past Thursday we tried breastfeeding her. We try for about 10 minutes and then we give her break so that she does not burn more calories then she eats. Everyday she gets a little bit better at it and so do I. Charlie is being weaned off of his isolete temperature as well. This means they both get to wear clothes! Charlie is off of his C-PAP for 1 hour and on it for 5 hours. I held them both at the same time for the first time yesterday. I literally thought my heart would burst out of my chest with happiness. I wish I could find words to describe how it felt. The word love does not seem to cover it.

We Want More Charlie

There has been a recent demand for more pictures of Charlie. Here he is napping just like his dad and enjoying his binkie just like his cousin Ryan did. Hopefully, Ryan will be able to be his sponsor when he has to quit the bink. Above, we have him trying to use his C-PAP cell phone to call his sister in the next isolete to ask her how he can get this big plastic thing off of his face and out of his nose because he can clearly see that she is not wearing hers for most of the day.

Hey Charlie, How Big Are You?

One of the nurses snapped a picture of Charlie showing off the other day. It is so great when other people think your babies are great too.